The Importance of Being Ernest Read online

  The Importance Of Being Ernest:

  The Life of Actor Jim Varney

  (Stuff that Vern doesn’t even know)

  By Justin Lloyd

  © Justin Lloyd 2013

  All rights reserved in all media.

  Smashwords Edition

  Book Cover Photo courtesy of Joe Liles

  Cover Design by Luisa Trujillo

  For Greta Kathleen, Talia Jane and Eden Cecelia

  CONTENTS

  COPYRIGHT

  PREFACE

  CHAPTER ONE: SHOTGUN WEDDING

  CHAPTER TWO: THE BEGINNING

  CHAPTER THREE: WATCHING TV

  CHAPTER FOUR: DISCOVERING THE THEATER

  CHAPTER FIVE: ANNE, HER MOTHER AND THE FINER THINGS

  CHAPTER SIX: THE VARNEY PARKERS

  CHAPTER SEVEN: HIGH SCHOOL YEARS

  CHAPTER EIGHT: LEAVING LEXINGTON

  CHAPTER NINE: FINDING GLORY WITH CHERRY

  CHAPTER TEN: STRIKING IT RICH IN CALIFORNIA

  CHAPTER ELEVEN: BECOMING VERN'S FAVORITE NEIGHBOR

  CHAPTER TWELVE: THE SECRET OF ERNEST'S SUCCESS

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN: GLOOM BEAMS, HEARTBREAK AND A LITTLE LUCK

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN: ERNEST IN THE MOVIES

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN: PLUVIO

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN: HOBO STEW

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: HANDGUN WEDDING

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN: SAVING CHRISTMAS

  CHAPTER NINETEEN:

  THE LINE BLURS BETWEEN JIM AND ERNEST

  CHAPTER TWENTY: "HEY VERN!"

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE: BLUE JEANS AND T-SHIRT MAN

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO: BUCKMASTERS & BUBBA

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE: A HILLBILLY OF AN OZARK KIND

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: SLINKY DOG

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE: THE END OF A "GREAT ADVENTURE"

  NOTES

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Preface

  Jim Varney was my uncle – the younger brother of my mother, Sandra. Most people know him by the iconic Ernest P. Worrell character he portrayed in thousands of commercials, nearly a dozen movies and a Saturday-morning TV show.

  But to me, he was Uncle Jim, the multi-talented sensation of our family. You never knew a room was dark until he lit it up. I actually don’t believe he had an “off” switch. There weren’t enough hours in the day for Jim to soak up all that life had to offer. Whether he was collecting antiques or poring over Civil War history, acting or writing songs, Jim was a full-on participant in countless pursuits.

  Jim was a loving brother, a devoted son and an amazing uncle. In any other family I would have been considered “the funny one.” But in our family, Jim left me in the dust. And he was so talented, I was just happy to have a front-row seat during his visits. He was also smart, caring and had a DeLorean. What more could a young nephew ask for? In addition, like everyone, Jim had his personal heartbreaks and his internal struggles. Despite the simpleton he portrayed as Ernest, in his soul Jim was an artist of incredible diversity. And when he died in 2000, a light went out not only for his fans but for my family.

  I was compelled to write this book because I knew much more about Jim’s life remained to be told than was out there in popular culture. I wanted Jim’s fans to truly know who he was. I could rely on someone else to tell the story of one of the most notable people in my family’s history, or I could (deep breath) attempt it myself. To numerous people, Jim was Ernest. And love Ernest or hate him, the truth is that Jim brought something special to the character that made Ernest unforgettable in the same way Charlie Chaplin embodied The Little Tramp.

  Jim’s trajectory to stardom was not unlike that of many other famous actors and celebrities. He was the class clown who dropped out of high school. He moved away to follow his acting dreams and struggled and starved in New York before heading to Los Angeles to try and break into television. Despite landing some promising roles and appearing on “Johnny Carson,” nothing ever really gelled for Jim in Southern California. He became intimate with failure and rejection.

  Finally, in 1980 at the age of 31, during one of the lowest points in his life, Jim’s career took an unexpected turn. A small Nashville ad agency created a character to advertise a theme park in Kentucky. The character, Ernest, would bring Jim fame, fortune and countless opportunities. At the same time, Ernest ultimately became his identity onscreen and off, and that proved difficult for Jim to overcome when he tried to expand as an actor. Still, with roles such as Jed Clampett in the movie version of “The Beverly Hillbillies” and (being the voice of) Slinky Dog in the groundbreaking animated film “Toy Story,” Jim persevered.

  Although Jim was only 50 when he died, he brought laughter and entertainment to more people than he could have ever imagined. Luckily for the world, much of Jim’s work was captured on film for future generations to discover.

  In this book I have attempted to offer the most comprehensive account of Jim’s life as possible within the means available to me. My goal has been to provide the insight of a family member coupled with the objectivity of a journalist. I have combed through hundreds of newspapers, magazines and online sources. Numerous people who played significant roles in Jim’s story had never spoken to the media. Interviewing many of them, including my own family members, enabled me to capture the essence of who Jim was in addition to the uncle I knew and loved. In the end, I believe I have painted a more complete picture of Jim than has been done before. (A comprehensive list of my sources can be found in the Notes section at the end of this book.)

  My goal has been accuracy and a 360-degree view of Jim. Yet despite my best efforts, I was unable to reach everyone mentioned in the book. I had to rely on other sources to reconstruct the past. Every attempt has been made to be accurate and respectful of those I was unable to interview, as well as protect their privacy as much as possible while still including the impact they had on Jim’s life.

  Writing this book has taken over five years. It has been one of the most challenging tasks I have ever undertaken. Yet every struggle along the way – and there have been many – has been worth it. I feel honored to be in the position to share the story of a man who meant so much to so many. I hope that I have created a work that pays proper tribute to Jim’s legacy, one he would be proud of were he still here.

  Justin Lloyd, Versailles, Kentucky, August 2013

  CHAPTER ONE: SHOTGUN WEDDING

  Two young bridesmaids, 12 and 14, enter the living room of their modest Kentucky home. The bride, their older sister, follows. They all make their way to a makeshift altar where a young minister awaits. Now comes the groom, followed by the bride’s much younger brother, pressing … is that a shotgun to the groom’s back? Yes, it is. Yet the bride and groom are surprisingly cheerful as they exchange vows, a contrast to the bride’s grief-stricken mother sitting on a nearby sofa wringing her tear-soaked handkerchief into a small bowl.

  The little brother carrying the toy shotgun is 7-year-old Jim Varney, who will one day become the 20th century pop-culture phenomenon known as “Ernest.” The wedding is actually a 45-second silent home movie filmed in 1956, appropriately titled “Shotgun Wedding.” The actors were members of the McChord and Varney families, connected by James Varney Sr. and his sister Iona McChord. Jim’s cousin Ed McChord filmed the ceremony.

  Jim’s mother arguably stole the show with her melodramatic cameo. Her early days performing in church plays had made her an obvious choice to portray the bride’s mother. The fact that the girl playing the bride was her real-life daughter seemed to enhance her Method acting approach. It was fitting that her part involved the exaggerated use of a prop. In the slapstick brand of humor that would come to define her son’s acting career, the ability to dra
w laughs from the simplest of items would be an integral part of his appeal. “Shotgun Wedding” remains a timeless reminder of the humor in the Varney family, while revealing one of the many ways they cultivated Jim’s passion for entertaining.

  CHAPTER TWO: THE BEGINNING

  The names that Jim answered to throughout his life were as varied as the characters he portrayed: Jimmy, Jimbo, Bo, Elvis, Dylan, Ernest, Vern and the “Hey Vern” guy. His two wives and close friends simply called him Varney.

  Jim was named after his father, James Albert Varney Sr., who was born in the small coal-mining town of Norton, Va., on Jan. 1, 1910. Big Jim was the fourth of eight children and the firstborn son of a coal miner named Andrew Varney and his second wife, Rena. Andrew and Rena had moved from Andrew’s hometown of Varney, W. Va., to Norton to find employment just after their oldest child, Roxie, was born. By the time James Sr. was about 15, his father had moved everyone 100 miles northeast back to Varney. (Author’s note: I could not find a definitive link in my research between the town’s name and Jim’s ancestry, although there may very well be one.)

  Varney is a small, unincorporated town located in Mingo County. The town of Matewan (just southwest of Varney) is also located in Mingo. Matewan, across the border of eastern Kentucky along the banks of the Tug Fork River, was still dealing with the aftermath of the famous “Matewan Massacre” when James Sr. was coming of age. The incident, which took place in 1920, was a shootout between a group of striking coal miners employed by the Stone Mountain Coal Company, local lawmen sympathetic to their plight and mine detectives hired to evict the miners from their company-owned houses. (John Sayles’ critically acclaimed 1987 film “Matewan” brought to life this violent episode while illuminating the oppression endured by early Appalachian coal miners.)

  The Mingo County area is also notable for serving as the backdrop for much of the Hatfield-McCoy feud of the late 1800s. The Varneys were linked to the Hatfield family by blood and marriage. Andrew Varney’s first cousin was Levisa Chafin, the wife of William Anderson “Devil Anse” Hatfield. John Henderson Varney, Andrew’s uncle, married Devil Anse’s sister, Martha Hatfield. Larkin and Andrew were two of their sons. Although Jim’s grandfather wasn’t known to have directly participated in the feud, his cousins Larkin and Andrew did. (Larkin – sometimes referred to as “Lark” – was portrayed by actor Noah Taylor in the popular Hatfields & McCoys movie starring Kevin Costner that aired on The History Channel in 2012.)

  Jim’s Roots Stretch Back to the Hatfields

  The Varneys were linked to the feuding family by blood and marriage.

  For whatever reason, Jim and his sisters were never made aware of their strong family connection to the Hatfields. They did grow up hearing stories about Grandfather Andrew Varney hunting squirrel with members of the Hatfields, but that was the extent of their knowledge. Perhaps Jim’s father was not even fully aware of the family connection himself since it wasn’t exactly something his parents would want to boast about during the years following the bloody feud. What shaped the children’s view of their father’s upbringing even more (besides old family stories) was the one family trip they took to West Virginia in the early 1950s. Jim’s sister Jake vividly remembers the visit:

  • • •

  “A 1949 green Plymouth was our second car. It wasn’t new and it wasn’t air-conditioned, but few cars were at that time. It had gray upholstery and enough room for all six of us if Jim sat on Mama’s lap.

  “Daddy wanted to take us all to West Virginia to see his family, some of whom he hadn’t seen since he left to join the Army in 1931.

  “We went in the summer (of 1952), just before school started when Jim was 2. It would be a trip of about 10 hours, with frequent stops to gas stations, not to use the bathroom but to wash our faces and hose vomit off the car.

  “To say it was a miserable trip would be to put it mildly. We all got carsick and vomited out of the windows. The car was like an oven, and the road was one curve after another through the mountains of eastern Kentucky.

  “We visited several of Daddy’s elderly aunts, some cousins and their families. They still called Daddy ‘Ab,’ a shortened version of his middle name Albert. For the most part, they were miners. We saw living conditions far below our own.

  “Daddy’s family was fairly well educated and had more than most, but those who got their education and moved back to West Virginia couldn’t find work not connected to coal mining.

  “The drive back from West Virginia was not as traumatic as the ride there. It rained for most of the way home. We cracked the car windows, and the car was much cooler. We pulled into our home in Bluegrass Park, a government housing project, and thought we were rich.

  “We never went to West Virginia again as a family, though Mama and Daddy visited (Daddy’s) nephew often. Jim never realized the life we might have had if Daddy had stayed in West Virginia.

  “Jim jokingly told people he was a ‘Hill William (instead of a hillbilly).’ He was from a large city, far away from a hill of any sort. (Yet) he admired mountain people and let everyone believe he was one of them.”

  • • •

  Coal mining defined much of Appalachian life in the early 1900s as the region’s precious resources brought in big coal companies. Unfortunately, the ease with which a young man could find a coal-mining job was offset by its dangers. Jim’s father experienced this firsthand when he began working for the Red Jacket Coal Company in Mingo County at 16. His younger brother, Sam, soon joined him, as the responsibility for providing for much of the family’s income fell on their shoulders. Their father was unable to work after suffering a chest injury during a mine cave-in.

  After five years at the mine with only a 5-cent raise, bringing his wage to 55 cents an hour, James Sr. decided he had had enough and quit the mine in 1931 after a chance meeting with an Army recruiter at the local mine store.

  • • •

  Before long, Jim’s father was looking out upon the sunny beaches of Hawaii, where he would be stationed for the next three years. It must have felt like a million miles away from the depths of the West Virginia coal mines, where sunlight and fresh air were nonexistent. James Sr. made sure a portion of his Army checks were mailed back to West Virginia to support his family. He also kept up his correspondence with many of his siblings, including sisters Iona and Cecelia who had moved to Lexington, Ky. Cecelia’s letters soon included an extra page or two from a new (and single) sister-in-law named Louise Howard; the correspondence made her brother eager to visit the city that Cecelia now called home.

  Jim’s mother, Nancy Louise Howard, grew up the youngest of five in a farming community in Winchester, Ky., just east of Lexington. The acting in Jim’s blood most likely came from his mother. Years before her son found worldwide fame with Ernest, Louise entertained members of the Macedonia Christian Church in Lexington, acting in various plays as a teenager. In the Family Register section of a Bible that Louise purchased in 1986, she recalled one of these plays. Just below the entry of her baptism date, she wrote, “Had the lead in ‘Backwoods School of 1849’ at church, it was fun.”

  A few years before Louise joined the church, her family made a short move from Winchester to the outskirts of Lexington to the horse farm known as Hamburg Place. There, her father, James Howard, worked as a horseman and gardener for John E. Madden, the world-renowned horse breeder. John Madden trained five Kentucky Derby winners on the Lexington farm (today the land is the site of a thriving commercial development, still called Hamburg Place). Along with his primary duties, James Howard assisted in other projects on the storied horse farm such as the construction of a horse cemetery.

  Louise’s mother, Annie “Belle” Howard, would outlive her husband by almost 25 years. Known as “Granny” to the Varney children, she was the only grandparent Jim and his sisters would ever know. She was a tiny woman, barely five feet tall, but one of the most capable women they ever knew. Even in her early 60s, with her husband retired, she entered the wo
rkforce as a presser in a Laundromat.

  Although Jim and his sisters had only one grandparent in their lives, they enjoyed a close relationship with a number of aunts and uncles living in Lexington. Louise’s two sisters lived in town: Sally and Betty. Betty actually lived on the same street as Jim’s family on two separate occasions. James Sr.’s sister Iona, deaf from a childhood illness, had settled in Lexington with her husband, Winfield (they met at a deaf school). Iona and Winfield had three sons: Win, Jack and Ed. (Although none were deaf, they all signed as if it was a second language. Ed, the youngest, could sign so fast that he was nicknamed “Fast Eddie.”)

  None of Jim’s relatives played a more significant role in Jim’s life than the aunt and uncle who brought the Howard and Varney families together. Louise’s older brother, Everett, worked in Lexington as a painter and dabbled in everything from plasterwork to the tasks associated with a finishing carpenter. His work could be seen in many of the finer homes in Lexington, as well as in local theaters and downtown office buildings. It was in one of those theaters that he met James Sr.’s sister Cecelia. She had moved to Lexington with her first husband’s family. She met Everett shortly after her husband’s death. Everett and Cecelia married in 1928 and were in Lexington when the Great Depression arrived. During those tough times they lived for a few years with Everett’s parents at Hamburg Place.

  Cecelia got along well with Everett’s family and became close friends with Louise. Cecelia mentioned to Louise that her younger brother was serving in the Army. The more Cecelia talked about James, the more intrigued Louise became. She began writing him letters that Cecelia included in the envelopes of her own correspondence. James Sr. wrote back to Louise, and before long the two were keeping in touch on a regular basis and counting the days until they could meet. That day finally came in the summer of 1934 when James Sr. finished his three-year tour in Hawaii. The first time Louise saw him she was standing anxiously at the train station waiting for his arrival home. Cecelia helped point her brother out among the crowd of passengers. Not only was James Sr. tall and broad-shouldered, when he smiled his white teeth reminded Louise of a model in a Pepsodent toothpaste advertisement.