The Importance of Being Ernest Read online

  The opportunity for Jim to use one of his own characters in an improv setting was a refreshing change. Playing off the talents of people like Mull and Willard gave Jim’s performances that much more of an impact. He made four appearances as Virgil on “Fernwood” during its first year. He appeared in three more episodes the following season (by then, the show’s name had changed to “America 2-Night,” for its location had changed from fictitious Fernwood, Ohio, to real-life Alta Coma, Calif.).

  Jim also landed a part on an NBC pilot called “Riding High.” Based on the 1975 movie “Hearts of the West,” starring Jeff Bridges, “Riding High” followed the exploits of a writer of western novels hoping to live out his cowboy dreams. Although the pilot had been written by the noted Larry Gelbart of “M*A*S*H,” it was not picked up by the network.

  Jim’s agent at William Morris soon found Jim an opportunity on another pilot that did get picked up by ABC. “Operation Petticoat” was a comedy starring John Astin and Richard Gilliland and based on the 1959 Cary Grant movie of the same name. The show follows the continuing adventures of a pink submarine (the color a result of having to mix what little red-and-white primer was available during hasty repairs) during World War II and its oddball crew, which includes a small group of attractive female nurses. Jim plays Seaman Broom, also referred to as “Doom and Gloom” Broom because of his habit of delivering troubling news. Jim’s Southern accent helped him give a convincing portrayal of the West Virginia crewman. Jim’s parents watched faithfully and came to the unbiased conclusion that Jim was the best one on the show. During one episode, they watched Jim’s character get dumped into the Pacific Ocean. Louise was concerned, knowing Jim’s inability to swim. Coincidentally, Jim called while they were watching. Jim assured Louise that he had never been in harm’s way. Someone had coached him through enough of the basics to keep him afloat.

  In the summer of 1978, ABC decided the large cast of “Petticoat” was too big to allow the show to be as funny as they had intended. They hired new producers and fired every cast member except Jim, Richard Brestoff and Melinda Naud. The changes proved ineffective, and low ratings prevented the show from completing a second season.

  Liles visited Jim on the set at one of the last filmings of “Petticoat” for an important talk. Liles told Jim that he wanted Jim to look around and remember when and where he was when he heard what Liles was about to say. Liles then told him that when the show was over Jim should be prepared for at least six months to a year before anything of substance would happen career-wise. Liles assured him that he would be working hard, but it was a matter of getting the “machine” back up and running, finding a worthy project or creating one. Jim said he understood.

  One of the hottest shows on TV at the time was the comedy “Alice.” Like “Petticoat,” it had been adapted from a popular movie. The show centers on a waitress named Alice, a recently widowed mother from New Jersey who has moved to Phoenix, Ariz., with her son looking to advance her singing career. Much of the show takes place at Mel’s Diner, where Alice works alongside outspoken, man-crazy Flo; naïve and anxious Vera; and grumpy owner/cook Mel. In the fall of 1978, during the show’s third season, Jim landed a guest-starring role as Flo’s boyfriend, Milo Skinner. The episode, “Better Never Than Late,” culminates with Flo and Milo foiling a robbery at the diner after Milo pulls a gun on the robber. It wasn’t exactly James Bond, but Jim still got the girl and saved the day.

  Jim continued performing stand-up while increasing his exposure through TV appearances, including return spots on “The Merv Griffin Show.” Liles remembers Jim’s last appearance on Griffin in the summer of 1979:

  “Jim did a stand-up bit and sang ‘Terrible Tawanna,’ a song Jacqui wrote. The joke was that it was from a musical about a great white hunter in Africa. On the panel, he entertained Merv and (British actor) Michael York with various voices, impressions and dialects. He did several different British dialects, identifying them by the city. York sat back quite impressed, shook his head, smiled and said, ‘Uncanny!’ ”

  Along with an appearance on actor and singer Susan Anton’s short-lived “Presenting Susan Anton” show, Jim appeared on comedian Norm Crosby’s “The Comedy Shop.” Actress Zsa Zsa Gabor was a special guest on the night Jim performed. Crosby asked Gabor to introduce Jim. The “v” in Varney gave Gabor trouble because of her Hungarian accent, but Crosby repeated Jim’s name to allow everyone to clearly understand they were about to see a rising new talent. During his routine, Jim portrayed Cletus J. Hocker, the wino who hosted a show called “Cooking with Wine.” Its entire premise was based on the fact that Cletus did not cook with wine, just under the influence of it. To add to the absurdity, Cletus suggested unconventional items as cooking aids, such as using a wine bottle as a rolling pin. Liles recalls how the character came about:

  • • •

  “Cletus J. Hocker was born in the car, (driving) in the Mojave Desert one hot night when we were on our way back to Nashville (from Los Angeles) to do the Cash summer series. Jim was in the passenger seat and started talking like a drunk and knocking around some lines about this guy hanging out near a dumpster and what he had found there. Soon it turned into a routine where this wino had a cooking-with-wine show. I threw out the name Cletus J. Hocker because I had seen it in a store window near South Mill Street (in Lexington, Ky.). Anyway, this guy had a sign in the window advertising his watch-repair business, and that was his name. Jim … agreed it was funny… (and) started using it.”

  • • •

  Jim also landed an appearance on actor and comedian Alan King’s one-hour special: “Alan King’s Third Annual Final Warning.” It was King’s third edition of tips on how to survive the ‘70s. Also on the show were TV stars such as Gavin MacLeod of “Love Boat” and Hal Linden of “Barney Miller.” Yet despite the television exposure and the company he was in, success in landing a permanent role on a network series continued to elude Jim.

  Even though Liles had clearly warned him of a potential slowdown, Jim had a hard time dealing with it. He started drinking more, buying half-pints of whiskey that he referred to as “sipping whiskey.” He was depressed, and the booze made his behavior obnoxious at times. As understanding as Liles was, he was tiring of Jim’s conduct while still doing everything he could to advance his career.

  Liles decided to create a show for Jim that could be pitched to the networks. Called “Jim Varney’s Family Album,” it was a 30-minute variety show that revolved around many of Jim’s comedic characters. It was to be reminiscent of Sid Caesar and Imogene Coca’s “Your Show of Shows,” and the work of comedians like Monty Python and Ernie Kovacs. Liles went to Neiman Marcus and purchased a fancy leather-bound album with gold lettering and filled it with pictures of established characters of Jim’s such as Virgil Simms and Cletus J. Hocker, among others. The proposal said: “The show will be devoid of: Named Guests, Known Songs, Lavish Sets, Beautiful Costumes, Breathtaking Dance Numbers and Other Redeeming Social Values. Each show will contain only original material and songs, unless they can be stolen from public domain. Nothing on the show should be construed as art.” The entire thing was Liles’ project, from concept to writing. It got attention at William Morris because it resembled a mini-pilot. It gave them something to show producers and network executives in order to get a dialogue started.

  Meanwhile, in the summer of 1979 Liles was able to get Jim onto a comedy special airing on Showtime. Jim traveled to Houston to participate in “The Big Laff Off” at a new club called Rockefeller’s. “Laff Off” was a stand-up comedy contest that pitted Jim against other talented young comics such as Ollie Joe Prater and Argus Hamilton. In describing Jim’s act, Gregory Curtis of Texas Monthly called it, “an accomplished but slightly wearisome series of stories in a Kentucky hillbilly accent.” Jim managed a second-place finish that included a cash prize. At the time, he needed the money just as much as the exposure.

  On June 14, 1979, Jim began a two-week engagement opening for Mel Tillis at t
he Nugget outside Reno. Comedian Lonnie Shorr had recommended Jim to Tillis after working with Jim previously and being impressed with his act. Liles accompanied Jim and Jacqui while staying in touch with William Morris on the progress of the variety-show project. Jim’s act was getting a warm reception, and he was hitting it off with Tillis. Then Liles received word from William Morris that a Fox TV executive was interested in “Family Album” and wanted to see Jim perform in a showcase – a small production that exposes actors to talent agents, producers and directors. Liles informed Jim of the good news and helped him prepare for the showcase, scheduled to take place when they returned to Los Angeles.

  A week or two before the showcase, Jim and Jacqui went to a party one Sunday night. The next day they excitedly told Liles about an interesting couple they had met; they were looking forward to seeing them again soon. No names were mentioned, just that the couple had been “down to earth.”

  When Jim finally performed the showcase for the Fox TV executive, he was surprised to see that the executive was the husband of the couple he and Jacqui had met weeks before. Although Liles had told Jim the executive’s full name repeatedly when discussing the show’s status, Jim hadn’t put it together when he had met him at the party.

  The Fox executive passed on the show. It’s unclear how the sequence of events may have played a part, whether the executive was offended that Jim didn’t know who he was from the start or the like. The episode was the beginning of the end for Liles and Jim’s business relationship. The mix-up, although minor in the scheme of things, encapsulated the difficulty Liles had been experiencing for some time in working with Jim. Jim seemed to be more interested in waiting for the next big thing to come along than putting forth the sustained effort required to make something concrete happen.

  During the time Jim was in Reno opening for Mel Tillis, he and Jacqui had been invited out to visit Tillis’ home in Nashville. They decided to take him up on the offer and planned to go onto Lexington afterward to visit family and friends. Liles stayed in Los Angeles. While Jim and Jacqui were in Lexington, Liles received a call from Jim early one morning. Jim told Liles that he and Jacqui had been talking it over and decided that they should take over managing Jim’s career. A couple of times in the past, usually on weekends when there was nothing to do but get in a stew or a funk, Jim had said to Liles that he wanted to fire him, drop William Morris and move back to Nashville. Liles had always managed to quietly “talk him off the ledge.” This time, something clicked in Liles’ head. He realized this was an opportunity for both of them to move on. When Jim paused to let his words sink in, which was usually the time where Liles started trying to talk him back into the relationship, Liles said instead that maybe that was a good idea, that Jim had a world-class agency behind him, he was now a familiar name in town and maybe they could do a better job of putting things together. Jim was a little taken aback. Liles said that he would give Jim all the information he needed to help make the transition as smooth as possible. Liles even assured Jim that he would be around to answer any questions or give advice.

  The more Liles talked, the more he felt a burden being lifted from him. And Liles wouldn’t have to worry about being blamed if Jim failed because it was Jim who was dumping him. After a surprised Jim let it all soak in, he agreed and they left it there. Liles knew that Jim did not expect it to end that way even though he had initiated it. Liles confessed, “Once we broke off the business relationship, I was on an adrenaline high for two days. I was just glad and relieved to be out of that situation.” Liles always wished Jim well and helped him with situations over the years, but his assistance was limited to simple requests that never required extended involvement. Shortly after they parted, Jim’s parents called Liles to let him know they did not have any hard feelings. That meant a great deal to Liles after growing so close to the family over the years.

  Not much happened for Jim for several months. He continued to do stand-up, playing in clubs as far down the coast as San Diego. It allowed him to make enough money to get by for a while. The year before, Jim had told Liles that he would “always be grateful” for Liles pushing him to do stand-up and helping him develop an act. It was something that he could always fall back on, he had told him.

  Jim’s next opportunity culminated in what has become one of the most famous TV failures of that era: the curiously titled “Pink Lady” show (aka “Pink Lady and Jeff”). Pink Lady was not an actual lady but a female Japanese singing duo consisting of Mie Nemoto and Kei Masuda, both 21. The attractive young pair had become a singing sensation in Japan. As they toured the world, their popularity grew. NBC president Fred Silverman noticed their success and decided to sign them to co-host a primetime variety show with stand-up comedian Jeff Altman in 1980.

  Little did Silverman and the producers know that the songs the girls sang in English were memorized phonetically. The truth was that they could barely hold a conversation in English, which made learning comedic timing impossible. Jim later joked about the difficulties of creating comedy with an interpreter. Even though the girls struggled with the language barrier, Jim was impressed with their work ethic. He said they never complained about their workload despite having to keep up their concert appearances across the Pacific. He said their makeup was always perfect, and they never even seemed to break a sweat.

  According to head writer Mark Evanier, when Jim was being cast, there was initial hesitation about Jim’s looks by some people involved. But producer Marty Krofft insisted on Jim as the additional male sketch player. The struggling show suffered from numerous guest stars dropping out at the last minute (due to the show’s increasingly low ratings) and resulting script changes. But on at least one occasion, that helped Jim. In one sketch, Buddy Ebsen was supposed to play Abe Lincoln. Jim filled in and was convincing as Lincoln being honored at a comedy roast.

  Despite featuring popular guest stars and high-profile musical acts, the show’s premise and the dying variety-show format proved too much to overcome. The show was cancelled before the sixth episode aired. Jim was out of work once again.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN: BECOMING VERN’S FAVORITE NEIGHBOR

  In July 1980, the Screen Actor’s Guild (SAG) and the American Federation of Radio and Television Artists (AFTRA) began a strike in Hollywood when negotiations broke down over profits from the home-video market, including pay-TV and videocassette productions. All movie and primetime TV dramatic productions soon came to a halt. This was especially bad for Jim as he had already been without steady work for months. “There we were … me, my wife and two sons living in Hollywood without work,” Jim recalled in an interview a few years later. Running low on money and not knowing when the strike might end, Jim decided they should return home to Lexington. He had just over $1,000 to get his family and their belongings back to Kentucky.

  Through the years Jim would repeatedly tell reporters that the strike was the reason he had left California. Liles always thought it was a convenient excuse. Despite the success Jim had experienced in California, Liles believes Jim never really felt like he fit in. Liles recalls the day they drove into town from Tennessee on Highway 405 from San Diego and seeing the Los Angeles skyline appear and stretch endlessly across the landscape. Liles observed a noticeable change in Jim’s demeanor, going from happy to subdued, that lasted his entire stay on the West Coast.

  The truth was that Jim had burned a few bridges – including some at William Morris - and the word around The Comedy Store was that he had stopped growing as an artist. It seemed that Mary Warner Ford’s words might be coming true: Jim had the talent but not the discipline. It also didn’t help that California was so far away from Kentucky, and all those miles made his homesickness that much worse.

  With no real paying acting work available after moving back to Kentucky, Jim settled for a job driving a truck transporting crane parts for a company working for moving firm Vincent-Fister. Jake’s husband, Jim McIntyre, got him the job. Jim never could have imagined when walking out onto the
stage of “The Tonight Show” that he would be back in Kentucky four years later completely out of show business. After a month of driving a few loads to Cincinnati from Lexington, Jim decided the work was not for him. He managed to find other odd jobs such as laying tile. He did what he had to in order to provide for his family. He, Jacqui and the boys lived for a short while in an A-frame in Nonesuch, Ky. They eventually moved in with Jacqui’s grandmother in Lexington. This was not how Jim, now 31, had envisioned his life at this stage.

  Away from performing, Jim grew deeply depressed. Even though he had never “hit it big” in Los Angeles, he had still put together quite a resume. Now he was back home in Kentucky, seemingly starting from scratch and struggling to make ends meet. Beginning at the age of 8, his life had been consumed with acting. His journey had taken him far beyond the regional-theater circuit and nightclubs to which many people had assumed his career would be confined. In California he had appeared on the three major networks and had rubbed elbows with many of the biggest stars in the business. To return home with no future prospects was devastating.

  Liles had always thought that when Jim moved back home from California he would eventually find work again in Nashville. What he could not have predicted was that Jim would find an acting role there that would bestow upon him more success – at least commercially – than he might have ever found in Los Angeles.

  In Bowling Green, Ky., country singer Ronnie Milsap had recently purchased a theme park named Beech Bend. In addition to Milsap’s name recognition, the park desperately needed a boost to help it compete with places like Opryland in nearby Nashville that had larger, more modern rides and far more attractive grounds. Along with changes planned for the park itself, a new ad campaign was in the works to highlight the park’s affordable activities. John Cherry and Thom Ferrell, who was working with the Carden & Cherry agency as a consultant, began working with Beech Bend developing TV commercials. “We developed Ernest coming back from Beech Bend in one day. It was a creative session that lasted until the wee hours of the morning,” recalled Cherry in a 1980 article in The Tennessean newspaper.